Friday, 3 June 2016

Lia and eye share an I

There is a bit of a long story involved in how my cat, Lia, and myself came to be so close and affectionate towards each other. But let’s not backtrack too much; I wouldn't want to bore you with too much detail.

But it all started with a closed door.

You know how cats always want to know what's on the other side of a closed door. Even if they’ve just come through it from the other side if you close it behind them, rest assured, they will want to go back through it ten minutes later.

It’s enough to send you insane.

Because of this obsessive compulsive idiocy Lia displayed we had an antagonistic relationship with each other especially in the early days when she came to live with me from the cat shelter. Just as soon as I was comfortable on the couch or just drifting off to sleep in bed there would be an annoying scratching at the door. Every time. Like clockwork.

One day, to cure my boredom and to sate the cats curiosity, I decided to see what would happen if I Let her out. Where exactly would she go if left to her own devices?

After far too long farting around at the front door to the flat (as soon as I closed it she wanted to be let back in, and then back out, and then in, and then ... ) we ended up on the outskirts of the city and then deep in the woods of the surrounding forest where, would you believe it, stood a single solitary door. Just standing alone in a little clearing all of its own.

Naturally it was closed so, naturally, Lia wanted to know what was on the other side.

She started scratching at the base of the door and making her familiar whining noise that lets me know that she wants in (or out). I left her to it until the whining became too much for me and I determined to open it for her and that’s when I discovered that I was looking at the front of a door and had no handle to open it with.

I picked Lia up and walked around to the other side of the door expecting to find a handle there but was merely confronted with the same front door exterior. Lia reached out and started scratching the door again while still being in my arms.

Amazed, I stuck my head around the side of the door and confirmed that it was an inoperable door, in a frame, in a clearing, in a forest for no discernible reason.

Lia continued scratching at it and whining to be let in with no sign of letting up. I’m a patient man but my patience had worn thin of this nonsense and I started to turn away from this bizarre situation. Before I walked away I shoogled Lia up so she was about shoulder height and yelled at her “This is nothing. There is nothing behind this door and no one will open it to let you in.”

I was knocking at the door while I said this as frustration had taken over me. I kept knocking after I had vented my spleen, kept knocking as Lia tensed up and squirmed to be set free from my arms, kept knocking as her ears flattened, her eyes widened and her tail puffed up to four times its normal size, kept knocking as my knuckles bruised, burst and bleed, kept knocking as I heard the door unlock from the other side, knocking as the door opened inwards, away from me, knocked as the hard wood door was replaced with the soft fleshed face of a magical being six foot in height, humanoid in shape with the head and face of a cat.

“You dare disturb me while I watch the cricket.?!?!” it bellowed at us. “And look at the damage to my door. It’s all bloodied and scratched ... you little turds !!! I’ll have your eyes for this.”

And before Lia or myself could even grasp the concept that a supernatural being could move as fast as Keanu Reeves, or even ask what the score of the cricket was, it had swiped its massive paw out at both of us and retreated back into its door frame with what looked like a supernatural representation of what you would think your retinas would look like. I turned to Lia and looked into the featureless milky white of one of her eyes (the other one was as it was before) and I could tell that she was looking at the same in me.

I wanted to turn back to the cat like creature and ask “Can we have out eyeballs back please?” but it was already gone. The door closed again.

For once Lia expressed absolutely no interest in investigating a closed door.

Finding our way home was a nightmare all of its own. With only one working eye each we both had lost our depth perception and kept walking into trees. I also found it very hard to tell if those cows were very small or just very far away.

I was still holding Lia in my arms giving her support. She was snuggled into my face for comfort and that’s when we discovered the second piece of magic of the day.

By holding both of our ‘blind’ eyes close together we could each see through each other’s one remaining good eye to form one whole field of vision.

And ever since that day Lia and I have had a much closer bond. We both know what the other one sees and how we see it and have gained a deeper understanding through it. Let me tell you that anyone who says that cats only see in black and white has it all wrong. I have gained a whole new way of looking at things. A new perspective.

We can both still see well enough with only one eye but 3D movies have been ruined for me now and Lia has lost some of the sharpness from her sight that helped her hunt the occasional mouse that is foolish enough to wonder into our house. But as much as I like to help my cat have some fun times I’m just not into the thrill of the chase or the thrill of the kill, and the T.V. doesn't hold much interest for Lia.
Besides the cricket. She likes watching the cricket with me (which was when this photo of us was taken of us, sharing each other’s vision.) And I have gained a whole new understanding on why all birds must die (the smug bastards !!!)

But mostly these days we just like sleeping on the couch.


With the door open.
Lia and eye share an I


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